WIZARDS OF THE LOST KINGDOM (1985)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical, psychological*

It's amazing that this mishmash sword and sorcery flick, one of several Roger Corman had shot in Argentina, did enough business (presumably on home video) that the producer okayed a second in-name-only sequel four years later. Principal director Hector Olivera had earlier completed a somewhat more efficient S&S opus for Corman, BARBARIAN QUEEN. But Olivera and writer Ed Naha (later of TV's ADVENTURES OF SINBAD) seem totally out of their respective depths with this sort of magical fantasy. Naha reported that only 58 minutes of the footage was useable, so "Cut and Paste Corman" had various FX-scenes (and musical themes) from both DEATHSTALKER and SORCERESS edited in to pad the running time. 

To be sure, the scenes that were *meant* to be in WIZARDS are not much less confusing than the egregious edits. We start with the almost de rigeur overthrow of a typical medieval kingdom by usurpers. Evil sorcerer Shurka (Thom Christopher) teams up with his lover Queen Udea (Barbara Stock) to kill off Udea's monarch-husband and to slaughter all the loyal servants in some of the most ludicrous mass fight-scenes seen in a S&S movie. 

Only three characters survive the carnage. One is Princess Aura (Dolores Michaels), daughter to the late king by a previous marriage. Shurka keeps Aura alive so that he can marry her and secure his right to the throne-- a move that eventually brings him into a predictable conflict with Udea. The other two are Simon (Vidal Peterson), son of the court wizard Wulfrick and a minor mystic in his own right, and Gulfax, a big furry white humanoid who just happens to look like a cheapjack Wookie covered in white cotton. While the usurpation is in progress, Wulfrick gives Simon a magical ring, tells the boy to go look for the magical sword of a previous ruler, and teleports the kid and his faux-Wookie away. Shurka shows up and duels the magician to death, and from a safe distance Simon witnesses his father's demise via a convenient scrying-pool. Boo hoo, trauma trauma.

I have to interrupt the plot-summary to remark on Simon and Aura. First, they're engaged to be married, even though Aura's royalty and Simon's presumably a commoner. Second, though the script doesn't mention their ages, they both have a jailbait look to me. This makes it really weird not only when Shurka expresses his plans to marry Aura, but also when a woman of mature years (Maria Socas) later tries to put moves on Simon. (Admittedly, she's an "insect woman" planning to kill him, But Still.) Michaels' age is not listed on IMDB, while Peterson is supposedly 17-- though he's such a small, willowy guy that he looks 14 at most. 

Peterson's age is also relevant in that he projects absolutely no authority in the role of Simon, even though he's one of two main characters. The other is not Gulfax, who disappears from the story whenever it's convenient for the script. Instead, Simon stumbles across Han Solo-- excuse me, I mean Kor the Conqueror (Bo Svenson), an itinerant swordsman whose every remark seems cadged from the original STAR WARS. (My favorite is when he tells Gulfax, "Get the lead out, fuzz-face.") I suppose Naha was shooting for the older brother/younger brother vibe that George Lucas channeled with Solo and Skywalker. But where Peterson comes off as lacking in passion, Svenson projects only a "just doin' it for the check" lassitude. It doesn't help that Kor waffles between being an altruist and an "anything for a buck" kinda guy. 

Of course, Naha does the Simon character no favors. The minute before Simon gets teleported out of danger, he clumsily drops the magic ring, and so in his peregrinations with Kor, Simon can only occasionally wield effective magic. Maybe Naha was shooting for irony, since Shurka sends his soldiers out looking for Simon and the magic ring, and the damned thing is sitting in a gargoyle's mouth in Wulfrick's sanctum. (How'd it get there? I doubt even Naha knows.)

Anyway, Simon and Kor wander around having peripatetic adventures. Some of them are fights with emissaries from Shurka, who has so little faith in his soldiers that he sends the insect-woman after Simon moments after Simon and Kor knock off all of the swordsmen. But other encounters come out of nowhere. Simon, having read LORD OF THE RINGS, tries to revive a handful of zombie soldiers to help overthrow Shurka. However, the dead won't obey the punk magician, and Kor must drive them away with his sword, after which he lectures the young bungler. Later, a mystical lady who has nothing to do with the plot tests the two adventurers, and when they succeed, she gives them a sort of "rainbow bridge" passageway to reach the castle of Shurka. 

By that time though, one of Shurka's minions finds the magic ring and gives it to the evildoer. However, Simon and Kor infiltrate the castle, so that Simon gets the ring before the evil wizard. Simon then magically duels Shurka until the young wizard is victorious. (Not sure why he even needed that legendary sword in the first place.) The desultory CGI effects are staged roughly after the fashion of a similar scene in 1962's THE MAGIC SWORD, in which two wizards, Basil Rathbone and Estelle Winwood, duel each other with cheap but still more impressive FX. The film ends with the tearful parting of Simon and Kor, since the wandering swordsman just doesn't feel comfortable hanging around with the people he's helped save. The next-to-last scene shows a bunch of liberate people celebrating their victory in the courtyard. In one parapets above, Aura waves alongside some unknown woman (not Udea, who's threatened with death but not killed), while in another parapet, White Wookie Gulfax celebrates with one of-- Shurka's demonic dwarves. Huh?

Thom Christopher is the only actor who brings a certain brio to his unrewarding role. There's some meager amusement when Kor has his own "Peer Gynt" moment, getting tracked down by a gang of trolls who plan to either eat him or make him marry their equally ugly sister. But on the whole the film is more fun to dis than to watch.