THE DOUBLE-D AVENGER (2001)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *comedy*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTIONS: *cosmological*

THE DOUBLE D AVENGER is said to have had a theatrical release in the US. But I sincerely doubt the film, written and directed by one William Winckler, ever would have been made had if its producers had not counted on making money off DVD editions. Said DVDs were almost certainly focused primarily on reaching the fans of "so bad it's good" films, not just because the film has a low budget and terrible jokes, but also because one DVD edition included a commentary by Joe Bob Briggs, notorious for ironically championing bad movies in his reviews and TV appearances.

AVENGER, though, has none of the charm of the "so bad" films that helped create the fandom. If the movie is like anything from the sixties sexploitation era it references, it would be comparable to dopey nudie comedies with names like 50,000 B.C. (BEFORE CLOTHING). Winckler sought to capitalize on the fandom surrounding the works of Russ Meyer by casting three actresses who had appeared in Meyer-films. Star Kitten Natividad had appeared in BENEATH THE VALLEY OF THE ULTRA-VIXENS, Haji FASTER, PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL!, and Raven de la Croix from UP! I should note that de la Croix-- whom most filmbuffs probably know better from Wynorski's LOST EMPIRE-- only has two scenes as a doctor consulting with Natividad's main character, while Haji essays one of the villains.

Heroine Chastity Knott (urgh) runs a successful bar where most of the female patrons seem to share her ginormous proclivities. Chastity's doctor informs her that Chastity has breast cancer, but there may be a solution if she travels to South America to seek a natural cure-all, known as the "cockazilla plant." Chastity goes all in (I guess the film's bad puns are catching), finds her way to the plant, and avails herself of its properties, though a boob-alicious amazon informs her that the plant can also bestow super-powers.

Sure enough, once Chastity returns to the U.S,, not only is her cancer cancelled, she possesses super-strength and near-invulnerability. She will find she has two weaknesses: lemonade juice (which is somehow inimical to her breasts even though she's not lactating) and being hit on the back of the head. If I didn't know that the whole script was moronic, I would think this a reference to a trope in Golden Age WONDER WOMAN comics, where that Amazon, though able to wrestle tanks, frequently did succumb to blows upon her head. (Winckler tosses in a couple of references to the seventies WONDER WOMAN TV show, and presumably paid Universal for the privilege of riffing on the theme song.)

Conveniently, some villains surface. It seems that Al Underwood, owner of a titty bar neighboring the one Chastity runs, thinks he's losing business to the competition, so he sends his three exotic dancers (one of whom is Haji) to kill Chastity. They all have super-weapons provided by a mad scientist who was a regular at the titty bar, but surprise; they can't kill Chastity, though they do manage to slay her date. So Chastity whips up a costume and the titular name for her masked identity, and seeks to make the malcontents pay for their crime.

All the humor is excruciating from start to finish, with the possible exception of one visual joke (though I can't guarantee that others viewers won't find this one as stupid as all the rest). That one visual joke: the villains flee "the Double D Avenger" in a jeep, and she makes them run off the road by falling to the ground and doing pushups. See, because her boobs are so big and strong they can create a mini-earthquake-- oh, well, it wasn't funny enough to be worth the time it took to describe it. On a related note, the Avenger is probably the only costumed heroine ever to knock her enemies out by hitting them with her bosom rather than her fists. I guess that makes AVENGER a combative film, though possibly the most improbable one ever.

And to conclude with the elephantine udders in the room-- yes, all three featured actresses still have big ones, but they themselves were all in their fifties during 2001. I can't say I found them, and even a couple of younger knocker-knockouts, particularly fetching. Indeed, the only one I liked was the actress playing the Black Amazon of South America, but she only got a minute or two of screen time.

Oh, and Forrest J. Ackerman has about five minutes in the film with Haji, Natividad, and a wax dummy of the Frankenstein Monster in the background. I doubt he appeared in the flick for any big paycheck, so the drool-factor may have been paramount in his case.