VAMPEGEDDON (2010)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *drama*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical*

The dumbness of the above title sends a clear warning that it's just another of many impoverished DTVs selling itself with sexy vampire action, with emphasis on the lesbian angle. But precisely because the production values are next to nothing, there's no budget for the kind of lighting that makes for even halfway decent erotica.

The prologue is about the only thing that sustains interest. In the late 1800s, an evil vampire count, one Giovanni, emigrates to the American Old West. However, a British vampire fighter named Richard Longshanks follows the nasty bloodsucker. They manage to destroy one another.

Giovanni, however, has some sort of telepathic mojo even in death, though it takes him over a hundred years to find the right pawn. He somehow finds a group of Goth teens who all think it would be cool to become vampires, though the script doesn't bother saying why they think so. If I understood the setup, Giovanni manipulates a teen named Mel into stopping by a neighborhood garage sale. The weird owner of the garage gives Mel a weird old book which can tell the Goths everything they need to know about vampire transformation. She takes the book and soon the Goths are doing rituals out in the desert, which is the only setting for the remainder of the film.

Though Giovanni is a spirit, he has various vampire pawns, most of whom look like he does, warmed-over Nosferatu imitations. Soon the Goths are finding out that it's no fun to get possessed by vicious vampires. One Goth girl, name of Liz, tries to escape, but then gets possessed by none other than the spirit of Richard Longshanks.

This twist does give VAMPEGEDDON a boost because it requires some fight-scenes, with Liz, now talking totally like a Brit badass, kicking vampire butts. Giovanni observes that he always thought Longshanks sexually ambiguous, which makes no sense since the prologue established that he was married. But the script repeats this deep insight because it's been setting up a lesbian hookup between Liz and another Goth girl. Sure enough, though Giovanni is the central character here, he gets offed pretty easily. For some reason Longshanks can't or won't leave Liz's body, and the film ends on the queasy note that at least her lesbian friend will have her fantasies fulfilled.