JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK: APOCALYPSE WAR (2020)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical, psychological*

In practice, FINAL CRISIS merely proves the rule about mega-crossovers: with great numbers of powerhouses come diminishing returns. I'm not one of those fans who insists that the "story" is no good unless it's heavily plotted. By its nature, the mega-crossover has the structure of a vaudeville show, where each performer comes out and does his/her thing before being quickly followed by someone else.-- FINALLY, CRISIS.

The title is a misnomer in one sense: WAR is not a story solely about the subcategory of "weirdie Justice Leaguers" like 2017's JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK. Several of the "JLD" members-- John Constantine, Zatanna, The Demon, and Swamp Thing-- have key roles in WAR's plot. But they're no more important than regular League characters like Superman and Batman, Teen Titans like Raven and the "Damian Wayne" version of Robin, and such Suicide Squad luminaries as Harley Quinn, Captain Boomerang and King Shark. In other words, this is an "event" story like at least two of the comics-sources on which it's based, the aforementioned FINAL CRISIS and 2015's DARKSEID WAR. But because this WAR is a 90-minute DTV film, its "mega-crossover" has to have all of its "vaudeville performers" do their turns pretty rapidly.

The movie is also the sixteenth and last film to be issues under the umbrella of "DC Animated Movie Universe," which in the last few years has been superseded by the "Tomorrowverse" line. In this sense, it would be appropriate to use the term "dark," since WAR is the "twilight of the franchise." It's also appropriate in that the DTV's tone is far darker than any of its influences, for the story, unlike its comics-influences, is structured like a war movie. 

The main body of the film takes place after the Justice League has tried and failed to prevent an incursion by Apokolips-lord Darkseid. Both Cyborg and the (Barry Allen) Flash have disappeared and are thought dead, though they're later revealed to have been forced into ugly forms of servitude on Apokolips. Other heroes have been turned into slave-warriors, like Wonder Woman and Starfire. Superman has lost much of his power after Darkseid's tech-masters created a species of soldier with Kryptonian DNA, and Batman has been turned into one of Darkseid's coordinators, with Lex Luthor as his flunky. Zatanna, lover to John Constantine, has died and Constantine is thought to have fled the fight in cowardice (though this isn't the whole truth). And some problems simply continue from earlier continuity, as with the Teen Titan Raven, who constantly struggles not to release her demon-father Trigon from his prison inside her body.

All of this "disaster opera" (my term) sounds a lot like not only the standard tumults seen in comics crossovers but also like two or three of the DCAMU productions, such as the odious JUSTICE LEAGUE: THE FLASHPOINT PARADOX. But happily, the two directors and two credited writers-- whose resumes all include an ample supply of both hits and misses-- rose to the occasion. The script for WAR allows for far more humanity and humor than I've ever seen in any other DCAMU effort. Possibly the tight run-time and the big cast worked to the writers' advantage, so that things like the romantic arc between Raven and Damian are kept short and to the point. That said, the script manages to work in one reference to an earlier DCAMU film, wherein brainwashed-Batman verbally castigates his son by talking about the events of BATMAN: BAD BLOOD. However, I should mention that many of the disasters on display here are somewhat mitigated by an ending which suggests that this "Disastrous Cosmos" may get a do-over. 

As for humor, I will mention only (1) a ring-match between combatants Lois Lane and Harley Quinn, and (2) a shouting match between Brit Constantine and Aussie Captain Boomerang that ends with them both using the "w word" for one another.

If I had to make a criticism, I could have done without Trigon, a boring villain, who naturally wins free and possesses one of the heroes. But even he has a pretty good fight with fellow mega-villain Darkseid. Some of the outstanding voice-acting include Matt Ryan as Constantine, Rebecca Romijn as Lois Lane, and Hynden Walsh as Harley Quinn. I only wish the majority of the JUSTICE LEAGUE animated films had been half this good.

XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS: SEASON FIVE (1999-2000)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, metaphysical, psychological, sociological*

For the whole season, Xena and Gabrielle remain dead and Joxer becomes the new star. Or maybe not. OK, they both come back to life and somehow Xena gets pregnant, because Lucy Lawless had become pregnant back during Season Four. This meant that Season 5 saddled O'Connor's Gabrielle with most of the action scenes, and Lawless's Xena spends most of her time covered up by heavy clothes or appliances.

FALLEN ANGEL (F)-- The spirits of the two heroines go to heaven, but promptly become bones of contention between the angels and demons. In fact, most of the episode consists of either Xena or Gabrielle shuttling back and forth between Perdition and Paradise, while back on Earth their mourners, Joxer and Amarice, seek to take the crusaders' bodies back to Xena's hometown. There are only two scenes of mythic substance in the episode. First, when Angel-Xena struggles with a demonic version of Callisto, Xena decides to use her spirit-power to redeem Callisto's soul from her obsessive evil, and succeeds, though Xena herself becomes a demon. Second, after all the otherworldly transformations run their gamut, Eli pulls a Lazarus, reviving the bodies of X and G with their spirits once more intact. Though Eli was seen performing other magical acts, this is the only one that's a definite Imitatio Christi.

CHAKRAM (F)-- There's a twist to Xena's resurrection: she forgets all of her experiences as a warrior, becoming something of a goody-good milquetoast. Also, Xena's Chakram was broken by Callisto in THE IDES OF MARCH, and it can only be repaired by a complicated process, while both Ares and a rival war-god, Kal, seek to obtain the weapon for their own benefit. Inevitably Xena regains both her weapon and her full memories, while from somewhere Gabrielle acquires a pair of sai-knives. These apparently symbolize her decision to become a full-time warrior-companion to her BFF. Eli departs once more, but presumably spends more time building up his peace-and-love movement, given later events. Also, Joxer confesses his love to Gabrielle, while she puts off making any response.

SUCCESSION (F)-- Though Ares seems to have mostly given up on re-recruiting Xena, an intense warrior-woman named Mavican (Jenya Lano) stumps for the job of the war-god's new emissary on Earth. When she challenges both Xena and Gabrielle, Ares flings all three of them into another dimension to fight it out. The rules of the game are pretty clever.

ANIMAL ATTRACTION (F)-- High Plains Warrior Princess! The action takes place in a town called Spamona, which one might assume is in North Greece, since the very next story has the cast hike all the way back to the territory of the Siberian Amazons. Anyway, everyone in Spamona wears cowboy hats and dusters, so that Xena and Gabrielle-- who have picked up Joxer and Amarice again at some point-- stand out a bit, even though Xena volunteers to protect the town from yet another warlord-horde. Also, Gabrielle makes friends with a new horse, and is seen riding out of town on it at the end, though the new mount is only irregularly seen from then on. Amarice gets an "animal attraction" for a young stud, but the big news is that Xena's pregnant-- and to the best of her knowledge, there's no way that could have happened.

THEM BONES, THEM BONES (F)-- Xena begins to experience bad symptoms from her pregnancy, and the eventual diagnosis is that the spirit of the slain villain Alti is seeking to possess the heroine's unborn child. So the two heroines, Amarice and Joxer hoof it to Siberia for the help of the Amazon shamans. If only because it's shorter, this is a much better shaman-outing than ADVENTURES IN THE SIN TRADE, though it's still rather derivative. Amarice stands revealed as a pretender to Amazon status, and she stays behind to join the Siberian tribe.

PURITY/ BACK IN THE BOTTLE (G)-- These two strongly related episodes send the heroines back to Chin, this time with Joxer in tow. Xena learns that there's a secret book of magical/martial techniques left behind by her late, cherished mentor Lao Ma, and her two surviving children both want the book. But Kao Hsin wants to keep the book's secrets away from evildoers, while Pao Ssu wants to share the secrets with her warlord friends-- who also seek the secret of gunpowder to begin a wave of conquest. Pao Ssu perishes in the first episode, and then comes back merged with Xena's no-less-dead enemy Ming Tien. (The merger is probably a tip of the hat to the 1993 BRIDE WITH WHITE HAIR.) Xena, who wielded supernatural power in THE DEBT thanks to Lao Ma's tutelage, steps up her mystical game to defeat a teeming army. A few lines from Lao Ma's book sound like Schopenhauer, an alleged favorite of Rob Tapert.

LITTLE PROBLEMS (P)-- Thanks to yet another goofup by ditzy Aphrodite, Xena's spirit becomes lodged in the body of a little girl, Daphne, who has problems communicating with her daddy. There's a forgettable warlord in a Doctor Doom mask to provide peril. The only memorable schtick involves Gabrielle and Aphrodite masquerading as conjoined twins to have an oil-wrestling match with another pair of such twins, Castor and Pollux.

SEEDS OF FAITH (G)-- Despite the fact that the writers don't build up to the revelation, it seems that Ares and the other Olympians fear a "twilight of the gods," when they will be replaced by other forms of worship, presumably the real-life religion that Eli represents. Ares plans to send an army of soldiers to slay Eli, and Eli begs Xena and Gabrielle to stay out of the matter. The angel Callisto informs that Eli's sacrifice alone can cause the Olympians' downfall-- and just for a topper, asserts that she's the one who created Xena's immaculate pregnancy so that she could become reincarnated in the burgeoning infant. Xena decides she's OK with all this, and that's the last appearance for Hudson Leick on the show. Eli dies but clearly has a supernatural survival that betokens the rise of his religion of peace.

LYRE, LYRE, HEARTS ON FIRE (P)-- All the good credit the show earned from THE BITTER SUITE is largely wiped from the slate by this musical mishmash. Xena and Gabrielle insist that two claimants to a mystic lyre should fight things out in a battle of the bands: one band led by a tribe of Amazons, the other a group of raiders led by Draco, still in love with Gabrielle since A COMEDY OF EROS. There are a few amusing scenes, such as Gabrielle getting a little jelly when another woman makes moves on Joxer. Less successful is a heavy-handed lecture about tolerance, as Joxer is shown to be embarrassed by his flamboyant brother Jase (also Raimi). Since the writers wanted Joxer to remain sympathetic, his discomfort never rises to the level of homophobia. 

PUNCH LINES (P)-- Call this "Adventures in the Shrink Trade," as the gloomy god Lachrymose subjects Gabrielle and Argo to a "reduction derby." Amid all the lame humor, including an old-style pie fight, Xena has some decent dialogue worrying about her fitness to be a mother.

GOD FEARING CHILD (P)-- Unlike the comedy episodes, the writers clearly meant this opus to be deep and meaningful, but failed due to an overall meretricious outlook. The Fates decree to Zeus and Hera that the Olympian gods are doomed by the rise of a child not born of man, so Zeus sets his sights on Xena's daughter. Hercules shows up and seeks to intercede with his godly father, but to no avail.

For some dubious reason Xena decides she and Gabrielle must journey to Tartarus to steal Hades' cap of invisibility, even though the baby will be stillborn if birthed in the underworld. X and G have various adventures, including once more encountering the shade of Solan, but the main thrust of the story belongs to Hercules. His stepmother Hera switches sides for no good reason and guides Hercules to a graveyard where the hero can fashion a weapon from one of the ribs of Kronos. (One HERCULES show claimed that Kronos was in Tartarus, so how'd he get there without his ribs?) Zeus punishes Hera by absorbing her, but Hercules fulfills his destiny by killing his own father with a rib-weapon--the TV hero's last act, since the HERCULES series had ended. The heroines win free of Tartarus in time for Xena to bear her immaculate progeny, whom she decides to name "Eve" for no reason. The writers were presumably trying to go for some symbolic link between the ribs of Kronos and the Adamic rib from which the Biblical Eve was created, but it's a clumsy juxtaposition.

ETERNAL BONDS (F)-- The surviving gods mount a campaign to slay Xena's newborn child, attacking both with their own godly forces and with human servitors. (Three such servitors appear before Xena and Gabrielle, offering gifts, but this Magi-imposture is just a trick.) Joxer is wounded by a poisoned blade from a priest of Artemis (Apollo would've been more appropriate), so Gabrielle must take him to get a cure. This errand frees up Xena, traveling covertly with Eve, to encounter Ares once again. The war-god is now convinced that the Olympians are doomed (Eve oddly taking the place of the previous gods'-bane, Dahak) so he wants Xena to bear his child. For the first time since the series' beginning, Xena is visibly tempted by her buried erotic feelings for Ares, but she rejects his bargain and re-united with her friends, escaping the gods once more.

AMPHIPOLIS UNDER SIEGE (P)-- This is just another "city under siege" story. Joxer wanders off somewhere else while Xena, Gabrielle and Xena's newborn proceed to her home town. Xena's mother gets a chance to play grandma and Ares renews his offer of salvation when the other gods descend to invade the city. The one virtue of the dull story is a moment when Ares KNOWS that Xena makes a bargain with him as a means of playing him, but he can't resist letting her have her way.

MARRIED WITH FISHSTICKS (P)-- Here's one last silly-pants episode before Season Five concludes on a lot of heavy-themed stories. The heroines witness two petulant goddesses, Aphrodite and Discord, dueling with lightning-bolts, and a wayward blast tosses Gabrielle into the sea. Gabrielle then dreams most of the rest of the episode, which is a revised version of the Goldie Hawn movie OVERBOARD, sans the big romantic hookup with the male lead (Ted Raimi again). Lots of makeup and monsters make this one mildly palatable.

LIFEBLOOD (F)-- For an episode that recycles footage from a failed pilot called AMAZON HIGH (about a 20th-century woman joining a primeval Amazon tribe), this story works out better than expected. The heroines seek out the Northern Amazon tribe (which I didn't think was homologous with the ones who made Gabby their queen, but whatever). Both the head Amazon Yakut and the long-unseen Amarice have died, and the tribe plans a mission of vengeance. Xena gets visions that link her to the primeval Amazons, and this helps her avert senseless killing.

KINDRED SPIRITS (F)-- This is a largely comic episode but it's not completely silly. Joxer finds his way to the Northern Amazon tribe but he peeps on some of the nubile wenches at their ablutions. Gabrielle, installed as temporary chieftain, must find some way to keep Joxer from being executed for his offense without violating Amazon tradition. An Amazon named Rhea, who's not seen many men before, visits the captive male with the idea of siring a child by him, but it's just infant-envy at work. A big ring-fight between Xena and Joxer, spiced with spoofs of pro-wrestling, is more memorable than most Xena-japes, particularly since Xena finally loses her damn pregnancy concealing coat.

ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA (P)-- This episode serves largely to set up Xena becoming an ally of Octavius, one of the major players vying with Brutus and Marc Antony for Roman power. An assassin sent by Brutus slays Cleopatra, so Xena poses as the Egyptian queen and seeks to run rings around the Romans. Xena makes love to Marc Antony but ends up killing him, while Gabrielle offs Brutus. Just can't trust them Romans.

LOOKING DEATH IN THE EYE (F)-- The fate of Xena and Gabrielle, seeking to protect Eve from the gods, is related in piecemeal fashion via a frame-story which takes place 25 years in the future, related by an aged Joxer (now married to Xena-lookalike Meg and possessed of a strapping young son who looks like neither parent). Xena arranges a massive hoax that involves kidnapping the death-goddess Celesta (last seen in DEATH IN CHAINS). Xena fakes the deaths of herself, Eve and Gabrielle, so that neither Ares nor Joxer knows the truth, though Octavius takes custody of Eve. But because Ares believes the heroines are dead, he enshrines their comatose bodies in an Arctic ice-cave.

LIVIA (G)-- X and G escape their icy confinement, find out that 25 years have passed, and seek out Joxer the Aged. They meet both wife Meg and son Virgil, who's become a proficient warrior after being raised on a diet of Joxer's stories of his glorious actions. Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer and Virgil go to Rome to demand an accounting from Octavius as to the disposition of Xena's daughter. 

But-- never trust a Roman! Octavius renamed Eve "Livia" (note the slight name-resemblance) and raised her as a warrior-woman who devotes herself to gladiatorial games and persecuting the still-extant followers of Christ-like Eli. (To be sure, since Livia shared the "blood" of both Xena and Callisto, Octavius may not have much of a choice.) Octavius eventually tells Xena that he's in love with his adoptive daughter and plans to marry her. But that enormity doesn't frost the warrior princess' butt as much as finding out that Ares-- who still believes that Baby Eve died for real-- has become both mentor and implied lover to Livia. Livia considers Rome itself her only "mother," having never been told of her mortal sire, so when Xena reveals the truth, Livia reacts with scandalized hatred-- and for a bonus, Ares figures out that his new squeeze is Eve, Doom of the Gods. Mother and daughter battle in the Colosseum, but though Livia is spared by both Xena and the citizens of Rome, she vows undying hatred of the warrior princess.

EVE (G)-- Forget the struggles of Livia/Eve; the standout event here is Xena's daughter finally kills someone Xena and Gabrielle actually care about. Due to traveling with Xena's group, Joxer becomes embarrassed by his ineptitude and leaves himself open to being slain by none other than Livia. But before that big moment, Ares, having been rejected by Xena once again, encourages Livia to kill her mother. For Xena's part, she's all but convinced that Livia is beyond recovery, though she prays to Eli for guidance. With the help of some Roman allies, Xena sets a trap for Livia and her soldiers. When Xena conquers Livia, she pauses before the final stroke and implores the aid of Eli once more. Whatever power is behind Eli gives Livia her own personal "road to Damascus" moment, and she sees the evil of her entire life, effectively transforming corrupted Livia back into innocent Eve. Virgil takes his father's body back home.

MOTHERHOOD (F)-- It's "Twilight of the Gods" in overdrive, as Eve seeks redemption from a prominent Eli follower, "The Baptist." Somehow this redemptive power also confers on Xena the power to kill gods, which will come in handy throughout Season Six. Athena mounts a sneak attack, sending the invisible Furies to seduce Gabrielle into killing Eve. (The Furies also show Gabby visions of Joxer and Hope.) Eve tries to make amends to Virgil, but he rejects her. The plot is partly successful, though Xena has to severely wound Gabrielle to prevent Eve's slaying. Four gods show up to attack Xena and Eve, but Xena kills two and the others retreat. Aphrodite appears, but cannot help dying Gabrielle without the blessing of Athena. She transports Xena, the wounded Eve and the dying Gabrielle to Olympus, where the warrior princess seeks to make a deal with Athena, though Xena's in danger of losing her power to kill gods if Eve dies of her wound. The writers then blatantly contradict Aphrodite's testimony, that only Athena can bring healing, by having lovelorn Ares heal both Eve and Gabrielle, making it possible for Xena to slay Athena. (They throw in a weak excuse that Ares can only do this deed by giving up his immortality, which gives him an excuse to dodge the Gotterdammerung and to hang around through Season Six.)

While it's too early for a series overview, I have to say that this season places the show-runners very much in the mode of Gabrielle in THE PLAY'S THE THING. They have the characters make lots of speeches about the importance of "letting go" and extending mercy, while finding lots of excuses to unleash crowd-pleasing mayhem (this time, expressly aligned with a fictional version of the Judeo-Christian religion).

MERLIN AND THE WAR OF THE DRAGONS (2008)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical, sociological*

I only glanced at a couple of IMDB reviews while checking specs on ths film's personnel, but I saw enough to make me wonder if any of those reviewers have ever seen a really bad movie. This DTV flick with the long-winded title-- henceforth abbreviated to WAR-- is just a competent but unexceptional formula effort, with decent if not exceptional performances. WAR's main point of interest is that it chooses to mine the Arthurian mythos at a point most such movies don't focus upon: the period during which Merlin was schooled in magic by a perceptor, and first gained access to the sword Excalibur, later to be bestowed upon Arthur.

In a 12th-century poem, it's established that Merlin was born of a mortal woman by her intercourse with an incubus, and later tutored in magic by a wizard named Blaise. WAR opens with the same basic  situation. Rather than allowing Baby Merlin to be slain as demon-spawn, a wizard known only as "The Mage" (Jurgen Prochnow) adopts the child, and the infant is next seen as Teen Merlin (Simon Lloyd-Roberts). However, The Mage also adopts a second orphan, Vendiger (Joseph Stacey), and so the two orphans grow up as virtual brothers. Not surprisingly, the introduction of Vendiger supplies the movie with its villain, the bad seed who doesn't honor his adoptive father's teachings. He also lures Merlin into reading from their adoptive dad's magical book, and this sets up most of the future magical occurrences, including the titular "war of the dragons."

The Romans have recently withdrawn from Britain, so dozens of petty chieftains are vying for power, though we only see two, noble Vortigern (whose army includes the future father of Arthur, Uther Pendragon) and ignoble Hengest. (We also barely see much in the way of armies; it looks like both warlords have about ten soldiers under their respective commands.) Vendiger allies himself to Hengest, and displays his stolen magical spells by conjuring up a dragon with which to fight Vortigern.

The Mage backs Vortigern, but he also needs an edge, and that's Excalibur. He sends Teen Merlin to the sacred lake, where dwell two magical sisters, Nimue and Viviane. Both names occur in Arthurian lore, often as variant names for either the Lady of the Lake or a sorceress who beguiles Merlin. The Mage cautions Merlin, who is half-god, not to fall into the clutches of the fairy-folk. The young magus receives some ambiguous attentions from both sisters (who are, to be sure, the weakest actors in the movie), but no real threat manifests, and Merlin fetches Excalibur back to the battle front. In the meantime, though, Evil Vendiger kills The Mage, though he lives long enough to charge Merlin with stopping his bad brother for good. 

The dragons look OK, but they don't really have a big impact on the story, which is really just about a Good Father, His Good Son, and His Bad Son. There's a very short scene with a female warrior who talks with Teen Merlin a bit, but no romantic arc appears either. Prochnow endows The Mage with a good gravitas despite the simplistic character.

ILYA MUROMETS (1956)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical, sociological*

Though I've assigned the functions of "the metaphysical" and "the sociological" to this film, the sociological discourse in ILYA MUROMETS actually drags the story down. Only the loose metaphysical discourse gives the film any mythic stature.

ILYA-- distributed and edited in an English-language version as THE SWORD AND THE DRAGON-- was fortunately available via streaming in its original form, as structured by the esteemed Russian director Aleksandr Ptushko. ILYA was completed about four years after Ptushko's SADKO, which I have not seen in its original form, but only in the truncated English version known as THE MAGIC VOYAGE OF SINBAD. Some critics celebrate SADKO as Ptushko's first major work, and the 1959 fantasy that followed, 1959's SAMPO, as an equal accomplishment. But I tend to doubt ILYA sustains the same critical approval.

One critique asserted that the legend of the famed Russian hero Ilya Muromets presented difficulties for the filmmakers because most of the original myth-hero's adventures were episodic in nature. However, the KALEVALA, an epic compiled from many short and sometimes logically challenged stories, was Ptushko's source for SAMPO, and he and his writers were able to make a coherent narrative there.

I believe ILYA was compromised between a desire to show the Russian champion in two contrary modes. In two scenes, he fights with supernatural evils-- a marauding wind demon, a three-headed dragon. And yet the same hero is meant to bring together fractious Russian tribes to repel a quasi-historical enemy, evil Asian soldiers called "Tugars" who are implicitly stand-ins for the Mongolian tribes who once threatened Russian borders. The latter mode gets the most screen-time, and sometimes the story reminded me less of a myth-story and more of a realistic history-epic like Eisenstein's 1938 ALEXANDER NEVSKY.

There are other, very brief hints of the world of myth behind the Ilya persona. Ilya (Boris Andreyev), though a big hulking fellow, has apparently been lame all his life, unable to prevent his fiancee from being abducted by Tugars (though she isn't really mentioned that much). Then some pilgrims, presumably Orthodox Christians, visit Ilya's village. They just came from meeting a older myth-hero, who gave the pilgrims his magical sword before he turned into a great mountain. The travelers not only present the sword to Ilya, they also happen to have with them a serum that restores the big man's mobility. Ilya says bye to his parents and takes up the mantle of defending Russia from its enemies.

Ilya's conquest of a nasty wind demon impresses the ruling Prince Vladimir, and the hero follows that up by embarrassing the envoys of Tugar lord Kalin. Later Ilya finds and liberates his fiancee Vassilissa, taking her home and marrying her. At some point Ilya puts a bun in his wife's oven and then leaves to go fight the Tugars some more. 

However, Ilya's fame earns him enemies at the Russian court, and the hero spends ten years in prison. During that time the Tugars capture both Vassilissa and her son "Little Falcon," and they raise the boy to think he's a Tugar and that he must fight the evil Russians. Later Ilya is freed and he returns to the fray. The Tugars send the hero's own son out to battle Ilya. Fortunately, Little Falcon wears a ring that allows Ilya to recognize him before either of the powerful warriors is slain, and together they rescue Vassilissa.

The film then ramps up to a big pitched battle between Russians and Tugars. Somehow the Tugars summon a three-headed, fire-breathing dragon to fight on their side, but Ilya and his son destroy the monster. The chieftain Kalin perishes and the Russian people are saved.

All the scenes of court intrigue drag, whatever their purpose in depicting "the enemy within." There's no dramatic arc as such, so Ilya and all of his support-characters remain flat and uninteresting, I couldn't tell if Boris Andreyev could act, but for this film he's not called upon anything but to be a really big tough guy, rather on the level of the Lou Ferrigno Hercules. So this effort by the premiere representative of Russian fantasy-cinema does not register as any sort of neglected classic.

HERCULES THE LEGENDARY JOURNEYS: "ARMAGEDDON NOW PTS 1-2" (1998)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical, psychological*

I've yet to review the majority of episodes for the series HERCULES THE LEGENDARY JOURNEYS. My general impression is that the more formulaic HERCULES never even tried to equal its sister show XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS in the game of delving into matters mythic. I recently examined the first time the Xena-fiend Callisto crossed over into the Herc-verse here, and that one-shot story wasn't much more than a means of establishing some continuity-points. 

The two part ARMAGEDDON NOW, airing on February 18, 1998, was considerably more ambitious, though to be sure NOW also served to link parallel occurrences in the two shows. Callisto was still dead and powerless in the 11-18-96 XENA episode "Ten Little Warlords," and following that, the villainess receives an immortality upgrade in "Surprise" on the HERCULES show, dated 1-27-97, She then shuttles back to XENA for A NECESSARY EVIL on 2-10-97, which ends with her being imprisoned by Xena. About a year later Callisto's released by Hope in MATERNAL INSTINCTS (1-26-98), and she's reluctantly working for Hope once again in her last fourth-season episode of XENA in the two-part THE SACRIFICE (May 1998). But Callisto's demeanor changes appreciably between the two 1998 stories, and that's because of ARMAGEDDON NOW on the HERCULES show (February 1998).

In truth, the continuance of the Callisto arc is the main strength of NOW, but all the rest is just the usual melodramatic alarums and excursions, though the dramatic scenes are handled well enough. At the beginning of this episode, Hope once more frees Callisto from a prison wrought by Xena. But this Callisto succeeded in getting her cherished revenge on Xena in MATERNAL INSTINCTS, only to find that it didn't mean anything to her. But Hope has anticipated the warrior-woman's ennui, and comes up with a devil's bargain. If Callisto will go back in time to prevent Hercules from being born, she can also rewrite time so that her father and mother are never slain by Xena's army. 

Callisto also suborns the somewhat gullible Ares into helping Callisto obtain a solution of hind's-blood, fatal to all gods, from an alternate-world version of Hercules, The Sovereign, who had his own separate arc in the Herc-verse. The two villains manage to acquire their prize and hurl both Real Hercules and Evil Alternate Hercules into the same limbo from which they liberated the Sovereign. But then Callisto steals the hind's-blood and, with Hope's help, vanquishes Ares. Despite his humiliation, the war-god won't pursue Callisto through time, but he will send Herc's best friend Iolaos into the past, to save Herc's mother from being slain.

Many of the story's rationales don't hold up to strong scrutiny. Why does Hope want Hercules eliminated, given that the record does not exactly show him (unlike Xena) actively seeking to block the rule of Dahak? And why does Hope want the hind's-blood? For some future use against the Greek gods, perhaps. But Callisto, possessing ample godlike powers, certainly doesn't need it to knock off the mother of Hercules. Indeed, Iolaus almost get the chance to slay Callisto with a blood-daubed blade. But the blade is set aside for use in the later XENA episode SACRIFICE, when Xena does use it to kill immortal Callisto. Lastly, the time-frame of Hercules being an unborn child at the same time when Young Callisto's village is raided makes no sense whatever.

I won't go into detail about how badly the devil's bargain works out for Callisto. But it's one of the great moments in the HERCULES show, illustrating the futility of the evildoer's desire to change the past, and it also accounts for why the only thing Callisto wants from Hope in SACRIFICE is a memory-less oblivion. And the plot succeeds for a time (so to speak), as Infant Hercules's life is indeed snuffed out, Since there's no Hercules, no one reforms Bad Xena, and Lucy Lawless has some standout scenes playing Xena as an Empress of Evil. But Iolaus works out a contingency plan and the proper timeline is set right. Hercules has a few decent fight-scenes with his opposite number, but that doesn't mask the fact that he's almost completely written out of the main action. So NOW is more ambitious than the average HTLJ episode, but not quite up to the best of the XENA offerings.

THE THRONE OF FIRE (1983)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical*

Aside from the naturalistic thriller LAST HOUSE ON THE BEACH, the only directorial works I've seen from Franco Prosperi have been the two sword-and-sorcery movies with which he apparently ended his movie career. The first of the two, THE INVINCIBLE BARBARIAN, shared the same star as THRONE OF FIRE, Italian actor Pierro Torrisi, billed as "Peter McCoy." Unfortunately, BARBARIAN suffered from a mostly incoherent script. I don't know anything else produced by the two credited writers of THRONE. But THRONE, whatever its flaws, at least makes some degree of sense.

Like a lot of sword-and-sorcery movies, THRONE takes place in a polyglot world, one mingling pagan and Christian references, and both are used to justify a larger-than-life pattern of "dueling destinies." The first destiny begin when a widow named Azira (Beni Cardoso, confusingly billed as "Benny") has a supernatural visitor. She's later said to be a witch, and though there's no evidence of this, maybe that's why her visitor feels free to impose himself on her, telling her that they're going to spawn a son who will rule the world. This sounds like it's right from the ROSEMARY'S BABY playbook, but strangely, the fellow making it with Azira is not Satan, but Satan's messenger Belial (Harrison Muller). I'm not sure why the writers chose to settle for a functionary to spawn a mortal king of evil. But in any case Azira and Belial conceive a child named Morak, who in his adulthood will also be played by Harrison Muller.

However, a good magician named Antar figures out the lay of the mystic land, and he brings into being-- with very little details presented-- a heroic avatar of good, Seigfried (McCoy). The audience doesn't see the upbringing of either Morak or Seigfried, which may be all to the good, given that how badly those tropes worked out in BARBARIAN. 

So we fast-forward to adulthood for hero and villain. Morak gathers an army and assails the castle of the rightful king, killing everyone except the king's nubile daughter Valkari (Sabrina Siani). Morak wants to force Valkari into marriage to secure his reign, but there's an additional hurdle involved. To master the realm, Morak must not only marry into the rightful bloodline. In order to gain total sovereignty, the usurper must also sit upon the Throne of Fire, a magical item of furniture sent to Earth by the high god Odin. Moreover, the Throne--which will literally burn up anyone who sits upon it without being entitled to do so-- can only bestow sovereignty to the princess' usurper-husband on a special date: "the day of the night of the day"-- which cryptic riddle Morak doesn't know how to interpret.

(Incidentally, in Nordic myth the hero Seigfried is the grandson of Odin, and his lover is a valkyrie-- and that Seigfried possesses two of the powers that this Seigfried will eventually receive.)

Complicated? Sure, but once the script puts across this setup, the rest of the film is largely decent if not exceptional action-fodder. Seigfried, knowing that Morak's plans hinge upon marrying Valkari, infiltrates Morak's castle and tries to abscond with the princess. However, Morak's guards overpower the hero and consign him to a "pit of madness" beneath the castle. (Maybe a subsection of the Hell occupied by Morak's never-seen-again daddy?) The doughty fighter manages to battle his way past a handful of low-budget menaces and finds his way into the castle's dungeon-- and to his surprise, he also finds his father Magician Antar in one of the cells. Seigfried believed Morak had killed Antar, but it seems Morak kept the wizard alive to interpret the cryptic prophecy. The swordsman wants to liberate his dad, but Antar insists that rescuing Valkari has to be their priority. Antar uses magic to endow his son with the twin powers of invisibility and invulnerability, though he will lose both powers if struck by fire.

Invisible Seigfried enters Valkari's boudoir and tries to talk her into leaving with him. Being no fool, she gives him a little static, but finally agrees to his plan. Unfortunately, for some reason Morak's listening in on their conversation, and in the process of convincing Valkari, Seigfriend reveals his vulnerability (also a minor feature of the original Seigfried tale). Hero and princess make some limited progress in their escape, but Morak shoots Seigfried with a flaming arrow, and that's the end of the champion's super-powers. 

A little later, while Seigfriend languishes in prison, Valkari manages to escape by using both guile and her considerable sword-skill. Morak releases Seigfried so that Morak's forces can follow the hero to the princess, and this ends Valkari's brief freedom. Back at the castle, Morak sentences Seigfried to be killed in an arena by a big bald fighter, but doesn't stay to watch, so of course Seigfried wins the bout and escapes again. Yet his efforts to prevent the marriage, amusingly enough, are aided by the marital priest taking his sweet time with the ceremony. Meanwhile, the prophecy's mystery is solved-- the assumption has to take place during the just commencing eclipse. But the marriage is averted and guess who ends up roasting his chestnuts on the Throne of Fire.

There's no great depth in the script's cherry-picked myth-tropes, but at least they don't undermine one another. McCoy and Siani are both good-looking heroic characters and they have some OK fight-scenes. My verdict on the movie: if one wants a decent if very basic sword-and-sorcery flick, THRONE is worth sitting through.

XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS: SEASON FOUR (1998-99)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *metaphysical, psychological, sociological*

Though Season 3 had some moments of mythic genius, there was always a limit on much brilliance could be worked into a weekly, hour-long television series. Season 4 places that limitation on greater display, and there's conspicuously less employment of Greek myth than in previous seasons.

ADVENTURES IN THE SIN TRADE, PTS 1-2 (P)-- Xena, having seen Gabrielle and Hope plunge into a fiery abyss, believes her cherished friend dead. But the god Hades claims that Gabrielle has not appeared in Tartarus. Since Gabrielle became an Amazon Princess, Xena theorizes that her spirit may be in a different underworld, to which all Amazons go. This idea leads the heroine to return to Siberia, where she and her warlord-lover Borias plied their raiding-trade following their adventure in Chin, and where they engaged in battles with Northern Amazons. In addition to experiencing flashbacks to Old Xena's misdeeds, Current Xena must liberate the spirits of slain Amazons from limbo and face a new/old enemy, the shamaness Alti (Clair Stansfield). Despite a lot of mystical blather, SIN feels artificial, like the writers culled a lot of info from monographs on Siberian shamanistic practices. Though Alti would make more appearances, she never registered as anything but a routine world-conqueror.

A FAMILY AFFAIR (F)-- A vision causes Xena and Joxer to seek out Gabrielle's home town. They apparently find their late companion hale and hearty, but there's also some sort of big monster in the area. Xena's suspicions are duly aroused, and sure enough, "Gabrielle" is really her lookalike daughter Hope, and the monster is the creature Hope conceived by Ares. (I guess falling through a fiery abyss doesn't interfere with a smooth delivery.) Yet somehow Gabrielle also appears on the scene, none the worse for wear, even though she's not the spawn of a demon-god. The happy reunion is sidelined in favor of the destruction of Hope and her child, and this concludes the Dahak storyline for the series in a very underwhelming manner.

IN SICKNESS AND IN HELL (P)-- Despite Gabrielle's returning from death, the first thing on the writers' alleged minds was to afflict her with foot fungus and give Xena a case of lice-- all while repelling an invasion of Scythians. Oh, and Argo deserts Xena for a very stupid reason. The level of humor is such that the scriveners don't even come up with any good lines or slapstick routines for Joxer.

A GOOD DAY (F)-- Julius Caesar and Pompey pit their forces against one another, and once again Xena shows forbearance, trying not to kill her old enemy but to keep the forces of the two Roman enemies from devastating Greece. Gabrielle has an atypical scene donning armor to fight with the Greek soldiers, and Xena engages in a three-way sword-battle with Caesar and Pompey, both of whom survive to menace the Xenaverse again later.

A TALE OF TWO MUSES (P)-- A more honest title might have been "Bootloose," since it really is just a Xenaverse reworking of FOOTLOOSE. The heroines meet again (for the last time) with punk girl Tara, who reveals that the magistrate of her home town has banned all dancing. Xena and Gabrielle enlist Autolycus to trick the townspeople into kicking out the mean magistrate and embracing their inner dance fever.

LOCKED UP AND TIED DOWN (F)-- And back we go to "Guilt-Obsessed Xena." The lawmen of an unnamed town arrest Xena for having slain a native, Thalassa, during the bad old days. Xena confesses her guilt and allows herself to be sentenced to a women's prison on the dismal Shark Island. While Gabrielle seeks to find some way to effect her friend's release, Xena makes a vital discovery: Thalassa is not only alive, she's the commandant of Shark Island. That makes Xena technically innocent of the crime, and that allows her to start busting heads. It's not a great story but Guilty Xena is generally preferable to Wack-a-Doodle Xena.

CRUSADER (G)-- FINALLY, an episode that clicks on all cylinders. As a result of her shamanistic experiences, Xena had a vision that Gabrielle would die. Then the two heroines run across another female crusader, Najara (Kathryn Morris), who leads a small coterie of warriors against evildoers and who appears to be as skillful a fighter as Xena. In many ways, Najara seems to be "Xena without all the negative baggage," in that she's totally devoted to a vision of goodness she calls "The Light," and she shows a certain attentiveness to Gabrielle that just falls short of being in "subtext territory." Yet, to prevent Gabrielle's death, Xena persuades her BFF to join Najara's crusade instead. Then Xena learns that Najara's devotion to Good may not be all that great, and it's sword-slingin' time again.

PAST IMPERFECT (P)-- Xena tells Gabrielle about the vision of the latter's death; Gabrielle agrees to be on guard. They attempt to protect an embattled city against an advancing army, and Xena realizes that the enemies are using tactics that Xena herself used as a raider and warlord. The narrative becomes somewhat confused by flashbacks to the days of Old Xena and her lover Borias, but they're necessary to the revelation that the enemy forces are being led by someone Old Xena knew in the Bad Days. 

THE KEY TO THE KINGDOM (F)-- This time there's no Gabrielle at all, and Xena barely appears, though there's plenty of Lucy Lawless as Xena's conniving lookalike Meg. Meg, Joxer and Autolycus team up to swipe a key to a great treasure-- but the key is an enchanted infant. Call this one THREE DORKS AND A BABY, but it does rate a little higher on the mythicity scale for expounding on Meg's complicated past. And at least Autolycus is once more involved in thievery. But Joxer's participation in a Big Heist doesn't ring quite so true.

DAUGHTER OF POMIRA (G)-- Once again the warrior women fall afoul of The Horde, whose proper name is "Pomira." This episode is somewhat indebted to the classic film THE SEARCHERS, but the writers manage to give the conflict its own identity. After encountering a small Pomiran hunting party, X and G behold a female with atypical blonde hair, and they later realize that the girl was abducted from the nearby Greek town. X and G rescue the girl from the Horde tribe, only to learn that the female, who calls herself P'Lee, has no memory of being a Greek and considers herself Pomiran. In fact, P'Lee, who still speaks her birth-language, justifies her people's warlike ways, upgrading them from senseless marauding Mongol-types to something more like Native Americans, defending themselves from incursions. Ironically, the Greek most hostile to P'Lee and her people ends up providing a means for Xena to stave off a Horde attack.

IF THE SHOE FITS (F)-- Despite the title, this parody of "Cinderella" never gets to the part about the glass slipper. Little princess Alesia runs away from her widowed father when he remarries, because Alesia's jealous of sharing her daddy with another female. Alesia initially takes refuge with Aphrodite, and then gets taken in by Xena, Gabrielle, and Joxer, even though they're in the middle of trying to rein some local warlords. On the way back to the kingdom of Alesia's dad, everyone takes turns telling Alesia fractured fragments of the Cinderella story, some of which are moderately funny. Aphrodite is deeply offended that Alesia chooses a bunch of mortals over her company, but only makes a minimum of trouble this time.

PARADISE FOUND (G)-- The title is possibly a play on the title of a Milton poem, "Paradise Regained." The heroines journey toward India in the unexplained belief that they can find insight into Xena's earlier vision in that land. (Were all of the Greek oracles busy, or did Xena piss off Apollo in some undisclosed adventure?) They pass into a barren mountain range, and when they make camp, Gabrielle brings up a common philosophical brain-teaser: is Xena good simply by doing good, or is it possible her good deeds are a means for exercising her penchant for violence?

They pass into a lush paradise with a beautiful palace, and in the latter they encounter a spiritual yoga-master, Aiden, and his one servant, Gar. It's not clear how Gabrielle heard about yoga before this, but she's eager to accept Aiden's tutelage, while Xena expressly says that yoga is not for her. Aiden shows that he's mastered his mental powers so greatly that he conjure objects out of nothingness, which foregrounds the later discovery that the entire paradise is his creation. While Gabrielle becomes more calm and focused in "paradise," Xena finds herself distracted and irritable. Xena then learns from Gar that the man was once a bandit-leader, and that Aiden slew all of the other bandits by siphoning the goodness out of them, though he couldn't quite do so with Gar. While Gabrielle's spirit in in thrall, Xena comes to blows with Aiden, her belief in her own evil nature proving a benefit, so that she can fend off many of his illusions. When she kills the yoga master, the paradise disappears, and Gar goes home while the heroines resume their journey. "Paradise," though maybe a little reminiscent of "Crusader," suggest that even being good can be too much of a good thing.

DEVI (F)-- The dazzling duo finally make it to India, though they don't seem to have any particular person or temple on their agenda. They encounter a street magician, Eli, who will later become a regular character in their exploits. Eli's stage-assistant goes berserk, manifesting powers that suggest she's demon-possessed. The demonic powers vanish from the assistant when Gabrielle touches her, but in very little time Gabrielle manifests powers herself, and the Indian people begin to call her "devi," meaning "goddess." It takes far too much time for Xena to figure out that a malignant presence has taken up residence in her friend. But at least when Xena goes to to toe with her possessed buddy, the episode culminates in one of Season Four's best fights, rife with lots of references to stereotypical Indian entertainments like "the bed of nails" and "snake charming." Eli's name suggests a connection more with "The Middle East" than with "The Far East," and later he takes on a somewhat soteriological role.

BETWEEN THE LINES (F)-- The two heroines don't seem in any great hurry to suss out the meaning of the death-vision as they soak up local Indian color. Then they rescue a woman named Naiyima from a suttee-pyre-- but the near-sacrifice seems a bit like a set-up, for Naiyima suddenly shows herself aware of Xena's special destiny. She sends Xena's spirit to inhabit another body in a future era of medieval India, and when Gabrielle asks, Naiyima does the same for her. They end up reincarnated in other bodies, but nothing that happens in the future is that important, except that they both meet a future incarnation of the witch-woman Alti, whom they jointly defeat. Nice FX make the confusing plot go down more easily. The "lines" in the title may refer to the Hindu custom of "mehndi," of lined patterns drawn on the skin (specifically Gabrielle's), which play a role in defeating Alti.

THE WAY (F)-- In this episode it's clarified that the whole "getting info on dream-visions" was just a dodge, and that the only purpose of the Indian journey was to place Gabrielle on a new path of peaceful non-violence, while Xena embodies the "way of the warrior." However much time has passed since the heroines met itinerant performer Eli, he's somehow become a quasi-Christ, complete with a "turn the other cheek" philosophy that deeply impresses Gabrielle. But the demon-lord Indrajit-- son of the famed demon-lord Ravana, slain by the hero Rama in the epic RAMAYANA-- desires to destroy Eli and his religion. The monkey-god Hanuman, also a veteran of the RAMAYANA, volunteers to help Eli and the heroines, suggests that they consult the supreme lord Krishna. Indrajit captures both Eli and Gabrielle, so Xena must appeal to Krishna on her own. Krishna's advice is much like his counsel to Arjuna in the other major Hindu epic, the MAHABHARATA, telling the warrior princess to kill dispassionately. Somehow this pearl of wisdom allows Xena to become turn into the goddess Kali and to defeat Indrajit. The mythic mishmash is not much of a finish for the Indian sojourn, but Gabrielle's new path, that of renouncing violence, will yield loads more stories.

THE PLAY'S THE THING (P)-- Suddenly, the duo is back in Greece again, though Xena departs Gabrielle on an errand and doesn't return until the last fifteen minutes. Gabrielle meets Joxer in Pireaus, a major city for stage-drama, and two fraudsters offer to become "THE PRODUCERS" of a play based on Gabrielle's scroll-stories. Gabrielle thinks she can use the theater to spread the good news of non-violence, but everything goes less than right. It's another silly romp, but funnier than most of them.

THE CONVERT (F)-- X and G interfere with a band of slavers, and find that Xena's old nemesis Najara is among the slavers' victims. In the confusion the incompetent Joxer accidentally kills the slaver-captain, leading to an unusually serious character-arc when he later tries to confess his deed to the man's son. Najara once again seem attuned to Gabrielle's spiritual progress, for Najara has at some point encountered the teachings of Eli and has become a pacifist as well. Will she manage to seduce Gabrielle with fair words? Of course not, and when Najara's commitment to non-violence is shown to be false, we get one of the best female-on-female battles in the XENA series-- though it proves the last roundup for Najara.

TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE (P)-- A better title would have been "No Clue Like an Old Clue," because the plot is nothing but a send-up of the board-game CLUE. At the home of Xena's mother, Xena and several other support-characters gather to celebrate Gabrielle's birthday. However, a passerby boarding at the house is killed, and almost everyone present takes turns being either potential suspect and amateur detective. To provide a ticking-clock, the goddess Discord functions as a bush-league Fury. She confines everyone to magical "house arrest" and demands that Xena find and turn over the culprit to Olympian justice for some damn reason. After much silly sleuthing, Xena proves that "Argo did it in the window with his hooves," or something like that.

ENDGAME (F)-- Those warring Roman factions spill over into Greece again, this time infringing upon Amazon territory. Queen Ephiny is slain by Caesar's right-hand man Brutus, so the Amazon tribe reaches out to the next in line for leadership: the now-pacifist Gabrielle. Yet this time the main enemy for both Xena and the Amazons is really Pompey, who's taking slaves, particularly Amazons, to fund his rebellion against Caesar. Perhaps because of Gabrielle's deep love of Ephiny, she accepts temporary queendom of the Amazon tribe and makes no speeches about non-violence, though she doesn't fight in the field, allowing Xena to take command. Xena kills Pompey in battle and Brutus, who proves himself an honorable warrior, is appointed to carry a message of peace to Caesar. Caesar's main response is to issue a huge bounty on Xena's head.

THE IDES OF MARCH (G)-- While traveling with the impulsive young Amazon Amarice, X and G find out about the bounty on Xena's head the hard way, so Xena lays plans to go to Rome and kill Julius Caesar. 

Meanwhile, Callisto, since getting slain by Xena at the end of "The Sacrifice," has been tormented for some time in some non-Greek netherworld. Then the unnamed lord of that domain-- later revealed as one "Mephistopheles"-- charges Callisto to play tempter with Xena, to encourage the warrior princess to give up the "way of the warrior." Meanwhile, Caesar's soldiers, led by Brutus, successfully capture Gabrielle and Amarice while in the company of Eli, who is taken prisoner as well. 

Xena seeks to liberate her three friends, but Callisto haunts the heroine like Banquo's ghost, trying to get Xena to give up the way of the warrior for peace with Gabrielle, all of which will presumably benefit Mephistopheles. Xena finds out the location of her friends by revealing to Brutus Caesar's deadly plans for his good friend, and the heroine's revelation will in turn bring about a fatal day in March for the Roman Emperor. Xena shows up to free her allies, but is wounded due to Callisto's interference. Though Eli, Amarice and others escape, Gabrielle goes berserk at seeing Xena hurt, and she slays several soldiers before she and Xena are re-captured. The long tease about the mutual deaths of Xena and Gabrielle is finally borne out, as they're raised on crosses to die. At the same time, Caesar meets his end, which presumably frustrates the plans of Mephistopheles. (This tale wouldn't be the first or last time Imperial Rome got equated with Things Satanic.) From the apparently dead bodies of the heroines rise their spirits, and that's the season cliffhanger-- though not the final episode of the season.

DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN (P)-- Yeah, it's another modern-day take on the supposedly ancient adventures of Xena and Gabrielle. Alice (Lawless), a big fan of the XENA TV show, tells boyfriend Harry (Raimi) that she's been experiencing memory-flashes of a previous life, which she thinks prove her identity as the warrior princess. The two seek out a past-lives regression specialist (O'Connor), and it turns out that all three of them are reincarnations of their ancient selves, but not the expected analogues. Not very funny, but it gets half a point for one outdated joke: "Zoomer" viewers will all wonder about the puzzling reference to an impending disaster called "Y2K."