GUARDS OF SHAOLIN (1984)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *sociological*

Just as this streaming flick was coming to an end, and I was thinking the film's alternate title NINJA VS. SHAOLIN GUARD was thoroughly unjustified, the four Shaolin monk heroes get attacked by a bunch of black-masked, black-clad fighters who throw shurikens and some sort of fiery powder. Still, the emphasis of the story (such as it is) is clearly upon the four stalwarts, not their enemies, so I'll go with the streaming title,

The GUARDS-- billed as First Brother (Alexander Lo Rei), Second Brother, Third Brother, and Fourth Brother-- are charged by the dying abbot of their temple to take a "Golden Sutra" to another temple. The abbot was killed by another monk at the temple, addressed as "Uncle" (though probably none of these characters are related to one another). The method of his death is one of the few things that stand out about this Taiwanese-South Korean chopsocky: Uncle's minions attack the abbot, and one of them, a woman in drag (Jin Nu-Ri), bares her tattooed breast, distracting the monk and causing his death.

The four monks head out on their journey, but with the exception of Fourth Brother, the comedy relief, they're all but identical. Ah Mei, Fourth Brother's girl-cousin from his former village, happens across them and invites them to her father's estate. However, Uncle's minions, who theoretically ought to be pursuing the four guardians, somehow decide to run ahead of the heroes and attack Ah Mei's home, killing her dad and all his retainers. This makes the young woman embittered against the Brothers, which is a pain for Fourth Brother, who harbors a desire to marry her. However, the girl has nowhere else to go and continues with the heroes on their trek.

The rest of the film is just one attack after another, including a pointless encounter with some very solid ghosts (or maybe zombies) who pop out of their coffins and menace the stalwarts. Up until the final confrontation between First Brother and Uncle, only one battle stands out: when one of the bros has a nice fight with a female opponent, possibly the same one who did the "boob-fu" earlier. This fight may have confused the streaming reviewer, since he wrote that the monks were joined by a "female fighter"-- and Uncle's minion is the only kung-fu honey, since Ah Mei can't fight. One reviewer said that Ah Mei falls for First Brother, but the film didn't bother developing the romance-angle after bringing it up in the first place. GUARDS is not the worst of the worst, but it's pretty unremarkable.