THE CONDOR (2006)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *fair*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, sociological*

CONDOR was the second of two DTV films issued by Stan Lee's production company, POW Entertainment. CONDOR appeared just roughly a year before the MCU made its major breakthrough in live-action superhero films with the 2008 IRON MAN. There's a bit of irony in the fact that in conceiving Condor, Lee was cadging some of the ideas he had used in the 1960s stories of the Armored Avenger.

 Though the first iteration of Tony Stark wasn't full of himself, he was a scientific genius who seemed to have the world at his feet, just before a wartime injury forced the magnate to depend on technology to make his way in life-- as well as helping Stark devote his inventive powers to becoming a superhero. Lee's concept for CONDOR, scripted by Marv Wolfman, also borrows a little from Spider-Man in that protagonist Tony Valdez (Wilmer Valderama) is a young dude concerned only with doing his own thing, which in this case happens to be skateboarding. 

Tony's parents are both well-to-do research scientists and want him to devote his attention to more serious pursuits, though they concede that he's still a young fellow finding his own path. He's rather neglectful of Sammi, the techie-girl who helps him with his keeping his skateboard in good condition. (I didn't think skateboards needed even a one-person pit crew.) After Tony wins an event against his main rival Z-Man, he's approached by his own "Veronica Lodge," a sexy babe named Valeria, which naturally makes his "Betty Cooper" jealous. Tony has no thought of doing anything but skateboarding for fun and maybe profit, though he does accept from his mother a "condor amulet." Though the superhero reader may assume the amulet has confer some special powers, the object is only brought in to give the hero some reason for choosing a condor-motif later.

Evil is afoot, however. An armored madman named Taipan (no explanation for the cognomen-- a James Clavell fan, maybe?) is using technology to create zombie slaves for the city's gangs. (This scheme might be more impressive if the zombies weren't also skateboarders.) The tech is apparently stolen from the research of Tony's parents by their partner Nigel (given one of the *oiliest* voices in cartoon history by one Michael Dobson). Worried about exposure, Taipan and Nigel arrange for the Valdezes to perish in a car accident. Almost simultaneously, a skateboard accident cripples Tony, though it's later revealed that his accident was brought about by a separate conspirator.

Tony suffers a one-two punch from losing both his parents and his ability to walk, much less skateboard. Fortunately for him, Sammi is a Stark-level genius, and she adapts the nanotechnology of Tony's parents to create metal boots with which he can walk again. Despite Tony being often distracted by party-girl Valeria, Sammi and a jolly Hawaiian dude named "Dogg" help the youth get through his therapy. In due time, when Tony learns that his parents were killed by a criminal conspiracy, he gets Sammi to engineer a superhero suit for him, complete with wings that are for decoration only, since The Condor travels about the city on-- yes, you see it coming-- a sooped-up skateboard. 

Many online reviews found CONDOR full of cliches, and it's hard to dispute that opinion. The juxtaposition of a birdlike costume with a skateboard never works, and Tony's fierce desire to fight crime in general-- as opposed to just finding his parents' killers-- seems to come out of nowhere. The Latino culture bits are superficial, though that's less objectionable than drowning viewers in virtue signaling. Taipan's goals are never convincing, especially after "he" is revealed to be none other than Valeria. In her true self she mentions to the scandalized Tony that she hoped to combine "business with pleasure" by dating him, but I don't think it's ever clear what the "business" was. But one good thing arises from this revelation: Valeria and Tony have a very well-staged hand-to-hand fight-scene that ends with both of them falling into the nearby ocean. This one above-average fight-scene is the best reason to scrutinize CONDOR, though I also give it fair mythicity for trying to capture an aspect of modern youth-culture, even though skateboarding was not the ideal choice. 

Stan Lee voices a minor character for about a minute's screen time.