TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: MUTANT MAYHEM (2023)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *marvelous*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *comedy*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *cosmological, psychological*

Well, if this piece of Seth Rogen-written MAYHEM has nothing else to recommend it, it does end up making his GREEN HORNET movie look way better.

As I've probably mentioned in other reviews, I was never a Ninja Turtles fan. I never read the comics and even the best movies and TV shows are just mildly enjoyable in my book. But MAYHEM made me offended on behalf of the breakthrough success of the Turtles' creators, Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. 

The comic book certainly had its moments of comedy, being partly a spoof of Frank Miller's ninja-filled DAREDEVIL narrative, and when the teen-terrapins were transformed into kid-friendly cartoons, most adults were most familiar with the turtles' love of pizza and skateboarding.

Yet, at base the Turtles are adventure-heroes in the same vein as other ground-level crimefighters like Daredevil and Batman. In every other iteration, the Turtles have practiced their ninja moves, with their specialized weapons. for most of their young lives under the tutelage of the rat-mutant Splinter. They might not be the brightest bulbs on the Christmas tree, but they're always peerless fighters.

But that didn't fit the joke-happy priorities of Rogen and his collaborators. So the first time these Turtles take arm against a sea of scurrilous scumbags, they almost get their clocks cleaned because it's their first fight.

Rogen stated that he wanted to emphasize the "teenage" part of the mutants, so what we get is a cross between a normative Turtles adventure and frequent teen-comedy tropes. Therefore, Splinter isn't a wise old rat-ninja, but a cranky old rodent who hates human beings, and is voiced by Jackie Chan. (Why, Jackie? You're rich, you don't HAVE to do crap!) April O'Neil isn't an adult reporter allowed to share the secrets of the Turtles, but a high schooler who wants to be a journalist but tends to puke when she's upset. The more prominent villains are elided in favor of a character loosely based on Baxter Stockman-- that is, a human mutated into a fly-creature-- but who is a real fly-man, created by the same chemicals that altered the turtles and their mentor. His name is of course "Superfly," which I also consider an offense against the 1970s movie-- even though I wasn't a big fan of that either.

Sadly, this witless, unfunny travesty made more than twice its budget at the box office, which once again proves the old saw that there's no accounting for taste.