THE BLACK KNIGHT RETURNS (2009)

 

PHENOMENALITY: *uncanny*
MYTHICITY: *poor*
FRYEAN MYTHOS: *adventure*
CAMPBELLIAN FUNCTION: *psychological*

In case my review of BATTLE SOLDIER wasn't clear, from now on that particular film will be my baseline for the worst possible superhero film of all time. That means, by default, that THE BLACK KNIGHT RETURNS is a little better than that.

But not by much.

One would think that even a rock-bottom-budgeted video would try to appeal to viewers with some decent action. The fight-choreography is a tiny bit better than that of BATTLE SOLDIER, but only barely. And the basic plotline is not dissimilar, in that a young potential hero must school himself in the ways of a crusading predecessor-- or predecessors, since the appropriately named "Evan Grail" (Adam Salandra) has to emulate the ways of an ancient order of crusading, costumed "Knights," most of whom have been wiped out in Evan's time. This loose ripoff of Lee Falk's "Phantom" comic strip has zero appeal.

Strangely, two romantic pairings generate more interest than any of the action. While Evan is hunting down the evil "Council," the group responsible for the deaths of the other Black Knights, he interacts with real estate agent Alex (Cheryl Texiera), and though Salandra acts like a block of wood, Texiera does a decent job of portraying an ordinary working woman drawn into superhero insanity.

But the most eyebrow-raising scene is one in which main villain Simon Darth (Rick Corbett) plots to take over the Council from its older administrators. Apparently, Simon's dad has died, for his mother Morana Darth (Jayne Clement) approaches him with the suggestion that when he outs the Old Guard, the two of them can rule the Council as "Prince and Queen." And just to underscore what she means, she tries to kiss him on the mouth. This is easily the closest RETURNS ever comes to dramatic interest, though in Morana's only other scene Simon simply kills her. He also kills off Alex, paving the way for a completely underwhelming climactic "fight," and my conclusion that this knight should never have seen the light of day.